An Honest Letter to My Illness

Dear Ulcerative Colitis,

When I first heard your name, I did not know what you were or how you would change my life. I had no idea of your magnitude. I thought you were something that would disappear with taking some pills. Little did I know, I was going to be stuck with you for the rest of my life.

What a crazy three years it has been since that day I first became aware of you. It hasn’t been the easiest or most glamorous of times. You have brought me so much pain, sickness, stress, anxiety and isolation from the world.

However, I do not blame you. I know that you appeared because I needed to learn how to take care of myself better. At the time, I was under so much emotional stress and I  didn’t take care of my body or mind. You came to me with a message;

“You need to stop and slow down. You didn’t listen to the signals your body was sending you and so now I am here to push you into self-care and learning about your wounds.”

I am grateful for this, because without you I wouldn’t have begun this journey of self-love and healing.

I have come to accept that you are part of me and you are a constant reminder to listen to my intuitions about my body. However, that does not mean that I do not fear you. I am always worried about pushing too far and upsetting you. Our relationship will never be one of love but it does hold qualities of gratitude and acceptance.

Finally, I would like to thank you for pushing me to explore who I really am and find my authentic truth. I don’t hate you, not really.

I hope that one day we can be good friends and I will fear you no longer.

Love,

Rebecca ❤

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8 thoughts on “An Honest Letter to My Illness

  1. I totally agree!!!……”when you think you are having a battle”…..
    think no am not battling anymore am dealing with it!……well done huni…am so proud of how far you have came love you xxxx

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  2. This is really beautifully written! You’ve inspired me to want to write a letter to my UC as well and speak to it directly. I’ve never thought of doing that before but it seems like it must be therapeutic. I loved your words “our relationship will never be one of love but it does hold qualities of gratitude and acceptance”… you have a wonderful way of looking at this disease! Stay well 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading and for this lovely comment! I’m so glad to hear that it has inspired you to do the same 🙂 I found it really helpful at releasing some of the negative feelings and emotions I can have about my disease and is great to read back over whenever I’m feeling down. I hope you are feeling well ❤

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